I leave for Costa Rica in one week! I’m heading to Rythmia, a life advancement resort that offers the miracle of plant medicine — Ayahuasca!
I’m pretty nervous to do Ayahuasca. I’ve been trying to prepare myself for months heading up to this. I’m still trying to prepare and wondering if I’m ready. I’m starting to wonder if you’re ever truly “ready” for Ayahuasca or the changes that follow.
I’m just going to throw it out there… my thoughts went to “what if I die?”. I’m human and my brain goes to the worst thing possible that could happen to me — death. Thank you, Anxiety. With that being said, I’m going to the safest place possible to do Ayahuasca especially for the first time and the chance of dying is pretty much non-existent. There are doctors on site and you also do an intake session with a medical professional when you get there to make sure you are able to do the ceremonies. My other fear is that I will be the same exact person physically and mentally when I return home. Or what if I’m completely different.. would that be worse? That’s pretty much where my brain keeps going.
On the other hand, I know everything will be amazing. My soul knows everything will be amazing. I can feel it deep inside that this is meant for me and I was guided here. It’s the fear, anxiety and ego that keep leading me to the negative thoughts and protection. I wonder when I became the person who is fearful and anxious. How old was I? What events led to this? My goal is to go back to the person I was before the fear, anxiety, depression and physical illness. I was probably a very young child when I was still that person.
The goal is to get back to this ↓
I’ve had an extremely long journey that led me this point. There was chaos in my life at an extremely young age if not from birth depending when my parent’s marriage began to get rocky. I remember being younger than 7 and being so scared. My father worked a lot and when he was around he was abusive verbally and physically towards myself and my brothers. Not in a super violent way but in a way that made me feel like I wasn’t loved or I was always in trouble. I grew up always feeling like a disappointment and never wanting to disappoint anyone. My mother is an alcoholic but she has been sober for almost 7 years. I can remember her being an alcoholic forever though. When she was drunk she was very detached from parenting me and that was a very lonely place to be. I had zero protection and safety as a child and the feeling of fight or flight never left me. My skin crawls with fight or flight.
It would take quite a while to go into detail about the trauma in my life but I’ll save that for another time. I wan’t to save it because I would rather describe it after I go through the Ayahuasca ceremonies. I would rather describe it through my true self or with some enlightenment.
I will however tell you about my intentions.
I want to feel safe and loved.
I want the ability to believe in myself and live life without hesitation.
Release parental trauma and forgive.
Not be triggered by confrontation.
Have a clear vision of my future and career path.
Release physical pain due to trauma.
Reset gut health.
Release fears of not being liked or pleasing other people.
The ability to see myself through loving eyes.
Heal generational trauma.
I want to feel love, tranquility and peace when I leave.
Rythmia helps you set your intentions.
During your stay at Rythmia you do 4 ayahuasca ceremonies. The first night is “show me who I’ve become”, the second night is “merge me with my soul” and the third night is “heal my heart”. If you can have all three of those intentions met then you won’t have any more questions.
The merge me with my soul night is to reintroduce you to your soul. When you go through trauma you are detached from yourself and from your soul. I watched a video about a woman’s experience and she described that night as meeting with her young self again, the age that she felt joy last. She described her soul as a dancing pink light which I thought was pretty cool.
Rythmia does LIVE Facebook videos that are really helpful in understanding the process of the ceremonies and how it is helpful to us.
I had a dream last week. I think it was a “premonition” or a sign about doing Ayahuasca. It was really nice…
I had a dream recently and I’m not sure if it has anything to do with this. I had a dream that there was a newborn baby in front of me. There was many arms reaching in with hearts and they were putting love into the baby. The baby was glowing and happy. Then someone said “we’re getting her ready for you” and I woke up. I woke up thinking… maybe I’ll have a daughter? Maybe I’ll have a baby soon. I kept thinking about it and I thought to myself… the baby was me. It felt really familiar to think that the baby was actually myself. I knew the baby. I started wondering maybe it was a sign that I was going to be introduced to that glowing baby again. Maybe “they” were getting ME ready — ready to meet myself, my soul again.
Well, here I go! I’m not sure exactly what this week holds but I hope it’s something amazing. Talk to you guys soon!